Ohh, I have been very bad at updating this! But also I have been very busy and really nothing super noteworthy has been going on. Basially work, school, work, etc. Plus I had my first training session today for tutoring the kids I will be working with, and I am editing someone's article on this graduate journal I signed up to be on. Honestly, when I get home from the library I literally pass out, even if it's early, like 7 or something. Today I got home at 7 pm and just fell asleep for an hour; I didn't even mean to but I was so tired. And it's not like I work a whole lot b/c of school, but when I do it really is hard b/c I have to get to work at 9 pm, which sometimes is right after class, and then I don't get home 'till 5 in the morning. So for example tomorrow night I am scheduled to work, and I have class at 3:30-5:30. Then after class I will probably go to the lib for a couple hours, get on the train to work, stay till 4 am, get home at 5 am, and then I have to be up at 8 am for National Reading Day or something to read with the kids. So yeah, I will be pretty tired come Thursday. PLUS I still have to finish reading this book for pne of my classes. It's called Gender Trouble but Judith Butler; for interesting but extremely dense and hard to get through, especially if you are running on little sleep. It's a pivotal book on queer theory, which I've never been too familiar with. And I am thinking of topics to write my paper on for another one of my classes. I'm thinking of writing about The Color Purple by Alice Walker and discussing the relationship between Celie and Shug Avery. Apparently a lot of male critiques say the relationship b/w the two women was a reaction to the negative male influence in Celie's life, and the female critiques say the men are wrong and not everything has to do with a man. For example, lesbianism is not a reaction to male hostility or the result of a female being rejected by a man. I want to say that Celie's lesbianism is not a direct result of the men in her life but rather her repudiation of the society she lives in. And I am not saying that her relationship to Shug is not also due to her inherently being attracted to females in general, but that if she were not in the situation she is in, she would not be maybe have acted on her attraction to women. Had Celie been raised in a middle-class family with positive male role model, she may have still been attracted to women, but would have suppressed those urges due to society's outlooks on gays (especially at the time the book was written, which was in the early 80s I believe and gays were looked on less favorably than they are today). But because she is already living outside of society's norms, society has in a sense "forgotten" about her (poor, black, uneducated, unattractive, raped by her dad, and bisexual) she is in a sense free and able to act on her attraction to women. Whereas has she been raised in a more stable environment, she would have been pressured and constrained to act within what society considered "normal." I know that this is drawn partly from my own experience, where I felt like living in a middle class conservative family I suppressed my attraction to women b/c it was considered bad or evil or abnormal. But once I started working at a strip club I was able to view those urges as normal and explore them. And a strip club is kind of like a mini bubble outside the norms of society, much like what Celie's situation was (not that I was being subject to rape or anything workin there, I just meant our situations were similar in that we were both able to explore our sexuality without the restraints on society b/c we were both in an "abnormal" environment by societal standards and therefore not restricted by society's view of heterosexulity being the only acceptabl form of sexuality). I actually have more to say on this and I don't know if that made any sense as I am tired and about to go to sleep, but when I get together with my prof I am going to see if she thinks it's a viable topic for my paper (altho obviously not mentioning the strip club part, haha).
Other than that, well. I kind of have a crush on someone (I hate that word, it sounds so jr. high) but it's a girl. Ummm yeah. Not gonna say anything else. And I told my mom tonight that I had had sex with a girl and that I found myself attracted to women as well as men. She said I thought so. Lol, I love my mom. Although I have never been in a relationship (apart from a brief three month fling with one of my managers) so I obviously don't consider myself to be a relationship person or to be dependent on another person for my happiness, crushes are still fun. Still haven't really made any friends, but I try and not let this bother me especially as I am so preoccupied with other stuff. That's all for now, I hope that at least made some sense; going to bed now!