Saturday, September 18, 2010

Right. So I feel like my life is some weird joke or something. Idk even where to begin. I've been looking like crazy for a "real" job, waitressing, receptionist. Even unpaid internships! No luck. Yesterday I went on an interview to an Italian restaurant which went comically wrong.
And I didn't go back to the pimp guy. He called me a couple times and texted me but I didn't respond. I decided that what I was doing was not cool, and it was SO not a real agency or upscale in the least. So I was online last week and discovered this other agency. It looked like a real agency, with REAL pictures, and it seemed reputable, ie good reviews on TER, etc. So I emailed my pics and the lady emailed me back. After a couple correspondences we decided to meet at my apartment to take some pictures and she said I could start on Monday (this might not be possible though, as I feel like I might be getting my period, but I didn't mention that). The agency is based in FLA and she lives there, but she was in NY so she came to my apartment; she said usually they go to a place she has but she was in a hurry.
So I open the door; I had just stepped out of the shower, my hair was still in damp, and I barely had on makeup and had thrown on some horrible clashing combo of bright orange running shorts and a neon pink t-shirt. So 3 ppl are standing at my door: the lady that owns the agency (we'll call her Jen) and two guys, one of which looks slightly familiar and the other one is Hispanic and holding a camera. So Jen has looong dyed blonde hair, really tan, looks like she's had some work doe, and is wearing a tight black supershort dress, knee high hooker boots, and a jacket. And she starts talking in this really loud voice about pictures, and all I could think was that I didn't want my quiet, respectable neighbors to hear her. So the guy that looks familiar is sort of peeping in and she asks if he wants to come in and he goes "No, I'll wait outside." So Jen and camera dude come in and she starts clomping around my wood floors in her big high heels and all I could think was Oh God I hope the downstairs ppl don't hear her, b/c my landlady is a Nazi and they have really strict rules about not disturbing the downstairs ppl with noise, like heel clomping.
So Jen is clearly in a hurry and tells me to throw on a short skirt and heels and a bra, so I do, and then we start taking the pictures, and my apartment doesn't have curtains (I know I suck I have to get some), and the entire time I'm thinking Please don't let the across-the-street-ppl look out of their windows and see me taking ridiculous half naked pics. And then I'm also worrying about Jen's foot clomping, so really I just wanted to get the whole thing over with and Jen's telling me to smile and think sexy,and I couldn't. But it felt better than with Tom, maybe b/c Jen's a woman (and despite how I'm describing her she seemed OK, just a little brash/loud, but I guess in this business you have to be) or maybe b/c I'm in my own apartment or b/c it's daytime or whatever. It just had more of a professional feel to it. So anyways, Jen tells me the familiar looking guy is someone that we've all heard of, sort of a celebrity and sort of a joke, haha a celebrijoke. But it was SOOO ironic, I just was thinking "Wow I can't believe this guy was at my apartment and witnessed the beginnings of my climb towards becoming a prostitute." The first "celeb" I see in NYC, under circumstances I would never have imagined. Apparently Jen and him are friends.
So after we're finished Jen tells me that she's gonna have her associate meet me on Monday to discuss logistics. And then she welcomed me to her agency and left. Whew! It felt like a mini whirlwind in the form of Jen and her clomping boots and Hispanic photo dude with his big clicking camera and the "celebrijoke" had entered my apartment. So yeah, just thought I'd update everyone.
I had a freakout this morning and was seriously considering leaving NYC and I emailed this guy I know from NOLA and told him I wanted to go back and drop out of NYU and reapply to law school. This guy used to like me alot, I'm sure he won't after my hysterical email, though. He is a lawyer and went to the same law school I would have gone to and is well-off and has his shit together.Oh god...I also told him I was thinking of becoming a stripper. Very embarrasing. It was one of those moments when you tell someone a whole lot of stuff b/c you're just freaking out and after you do it, you're like wow I can't beleive I admitted all that. So yeah I don't want to check my message b/c I don' want to see his response.
I also hung out with the ONE person I know from NYC, he is going to Columbia for grad school and I know him from my hometown. I told him I wanted to drop out; he said I should wait out the semester and see if it improves.
I just keep thinking that being this miserable and lonely and doing what I'm about to do b/c I can't get a normal job isn't worth being in school for. And the thing is, I mean my classes are enjoyable, but they're not even that challenging. Sure, the discussions we have make me think and I always contribute something, and the books are challenging, although very obscure and dense and philosophical, but it's not like I'm super busy with school or it occupies that much of my time. Like law school, it was people's LIFE like they lived, breathed, ate, slept law school. And in undergrad, I was always super busy with school and classes. Here at NYU, I'm not. School just kind of seems like an afterthought.
Whatever I'm gonna shut up and go read for class now.

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